Sunday, October 24, 2010

Taking charge.

This will be a hard one to write.

I met my husband at 13 y/o, he was 15. We started 'going out'  a year later. long story short we went from teens to parents together, what growing-up we did, we did together, we were inseparable. We loved being together and were each other's best friend.  We agreed on what seemed like everything, so he made all the choices in our relationship, it was smooth sailing.  I didn't think anything could change that.

What changed was Me, for sure, without a doubt. I started taking control of my life educating myself about things I felt were important and I started growing-up, he was not on the journey with me.  When I changed my name I didn't have his support and in the end I had to point out that it was my life.  What I could not understand was that he knew I hated my old name, why would he want me to keep it?  There was constant power struggles as I tried to take control and he refused to let me.  After three kids, 9 years together and 5 years of marriage we separated.  This happened at a time when we were fighting everyday and the children would get upset.  My beautiful children were growing up being show the same destructive relationship examples We had been and neither of us wanted that.

Since separating I have learnt so much about myself.  Mostly about me as an individual, not tied to another adult.  I finally didn't have to get permission to start a music class or go out dancing. I discovered how much I loved doing these things. So much growth has happened since we separated. It has been a hard journey though, a fucking hard journey. Being a single mother is hard, being alone is hard, not having someone to share where your life is heading is hard. But I have had to grow-up to deal with these things.  Lots more to do yet.

The next post will be more fun, I promise :D

No comments:

Post a Comment