Sunday, October 24, 2010

Name change

During the year after my homebirth I standing up for myself some more, this was Huge, as I had always let people 'walk all over me'.  I was starting to take control of my life and not let other people (my partner, my parents, my friends...) make decisions for me.  had thought that letting people make the decisions meant that I didn't have to take responsibility for what the end result was, it was a big learning curve to be taking control and responsibility. 

The name I was given at birth I had hated from childhood, it's hard to explain, but when someone asked what my name was and I told them I felt like I was lying, when someone addressed me as that name I felt like it was wrong, that it didn't fit. I even hated thinking of myself by that name.  I know a lot of people who I am close to have had trouble understanding why I would choose to change the only name they have ever known me by, but this is my name, this is a choice I needed to make for me.   I spent much of my life looking for a name that suited me and many of my really close friends knew this.  When went looking that night for a name I didn't think anything would be different this time, but when I found my name it hit me, hard. I posted it around the place to see what it looked like and I played with it in my head. I announced it the next day, on the 4th October 2009 I went from Mickie to Jaya.  I did it for me, when people ask me why I say because I wanted to.  The name I picked means Victory of the sprit and I hope that one day I will live up to it.